This letter was conveyed to Constantia that very evening, who
fainted at the reading of it; and the next morning she was much more
alarmed by two or three messengers that came to her father's house,
one after another, to inquire if they had heard anything of
Theodosius, who, it seems, had left his chamber about midnight, and
could nowhere be found. The deep melancholy which had hung upon his
mind some time before made them apprehend the worst that could
befall him. Constantia, who knew that nothing but the report of her
marriage could have driven him to such extremities, was not to he
comforted. She now accused herself for having so tamely given an
ear to the proposal of a husband, and looked upon the new lover as
the murderer of Theodosius. In short, she resolved to suffer the
utmost effects of her father's displeasure rather than comply with a
marriage which appeared to her so full of guilt and horror. The
father, seeing himself entirely rid of Theodosius, and likely to
keep a considerable portion in his family, was not very much
concerned at the obstinate refusal of his daughter, and did not find
it very difficult to excuse himself upon that account to his
intended son-in-law, who had all along regarded this alliance rather
as a marriage of convenience than of love. Constantia had now no
relief but in her devotions and exercises of religion, to which her
affections had so entirely subjected her mind, that after some years
had abated the violence of her sorrows, and settled her thoughts in
a kind of tranquillity, she resolved to pass the remainder of her
days in a convent. Her father was not displeased with a resolution
which would save money in his family, and readily complied with his
daughter's intentions. Accordingly, in the twenty-fifth year of her
age, while her beauty was yet in all its height and bloom, he
carried her to a neighbouring city, in order to look out a
sisterhood of nuns among whom to place his daughter. There was in
this place a father of a convent who was very much renowned for his
piety and exemplary life: and as it is usual in the Romish Church
for those who are under any great affliction, or trouble of mind, to
apply themselves to the most eminent confessors for pardon and
consolation, our beautiful votary took the opportunity of confessing
herself to this celebrated father.
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We must now return to Theodosius, who, the very morning that the
above-mentioned inquiries had been made after him, arrived at a
religious house in the city where now Constantia resided; and
desiring that secrecy and concealment of the fathers of the convent,
which is very usual upon any extraordinary occasion, he made himself
one of the order, with a private vow never to inquire after
Constantia; whom he looked upon as given away to his rival upon the
day on which, according to common fame, their marriage was to have
been solemnised. Having in his youth made a good progress in
learning, that he might dedicate himself more entirely to religion,
he entered into holy orders, and in a few years became renowned for
his sanctity of life, and those pious sentiments which he inspired
into all who conversed with him. It was this holy man to whom
Constantia had determined to apply herself in confession, though
neither she nor any other, besides the prior of the convent, knew
anything of his name or family. The gay, the amiable Theodosius had
now taken upon him the name of Father Francis, and was so far
concealed in a long beard, a shaven head, and a religious habit,
that it was impossible to discover the man of the world in the
venerable conventual.
As he was one morning shut up in his confessional, Constantia
kneeling by him opened the state of her soul to him; and after
having given him the history of a life full of innocence, she burst
out into tears, and entered upon that part of her story in which he
himself had so great a share. "My behaviour," says she, "has, I
fear, been the death of a man who had no other fault but that of
loving me too much. Heaven only knows how dear he was to me whilst
he lived, and how bitter the remembrance of him has been to me since
his death." She here paused, and lifted up her eyes that streamed
with tears towards the father, who was so moved with the sense of
her sorrows that he could only command his voice, which was broken
with sighs and sobbings, so far as to bid her proceed. She followed
his directions, and in a flood of tears poured out her heart before
him. The father could not forbear weeping aloud, insomuch that, in
the agonies of his grief, the seat shook under him. Constantia, who
thought the good man was thus moved by his compassion towards her,
and by the horror of her guilt, proceeded with the utmost contrition
to acquaint him with that vow of virginity in which she was going to
engage herself, as the proper atonement for her sins, and the only
sacrifice she could make to the memory of Theodosius. The father,
who by this time had pretty well composed himself, burst out again
in tears upon hearing that name to which he had been so long
disused, and upon receiving this instance of an unparalleled
fidelity from one who he thought had several years since given
herself up to the possession of another. Amidst the interruptions
of his sorrow, seeing his penitent overwhelmed with grief, he was
only able to bid her from time to time be comforted--to tell her
that her sins were forgiven her--that her guilt was not so great as
she apprehended--that she should not suffer herself to be afflicted
above measure. After which he recovered himself enough to give her
the absolution in form: directing her at the same time to repair to
him again the next day, that he might encourage her in the pious
resolution she had taken, and give her suitable exhortations for her
behaviour in it. Constantia retired, and the next morning renewed
her applications. Theodosius, having manned his soul with proper
thoughts and reflections, exerted himself on this occasion in the
best manner he could to animate his penitent in the course of life
she was entering upon, and wear out of her mind those groundless
fears and apprehensions which had taken possession of it; concluding
with a promise to her, that he would from time to time continue his
admonitions when she should have taken upon her the holy veil. "The
rules of our respective orders," says he, "will not permit that I
should see you; but you may assure yourself not only of having a
place in my prayers, but of receiving such frequent instructions as
I can convey to you by letters. Go on cheerfully in the glorious
course you have undertaken, and you will quickly find such a peace
and satisfaction in your mind which it is not in the power of the
world to give."
Constantia's heart was so elevated within the discourse of Father
Francis, that the very next day she entered upon her vow. As soon
as the solemnities of her reception were over, she retired, as it is
usual, with the abbess into her own apartment.
